forgive me! for i've done the unthinkable
for i can't turn back the hands of time
for i can't stop my heart from being the way it is now
for i can't be myself no more

forgive me! for i've become weak
for becoming frighten of something which i grew up with
for giving in to the loneliness which i should have been so familiar with
for trying to run from the darkness which i should have been accustom to
for being so blinded, i can no longer see the light

shadow / 影

beautiful shadows
following me, where ever i go
it's there
always with me, always by my side
but it's not my shadow
that's not mine

that's my creator
the original me
the one who has been traumatized
used, and abused, and thrown aside

the "Me" who chose to live
in the dark, as a shadow
allowing her very own reflections
to live her life, as her, for her
while she lives her life, as their shadow

i shall keep these feelings to myself....
not letting anyone know
to keep it from being notice
i have to first lie to myself

god has shown his mercy once again
placing a bowl of candy on my desk
despite my continue rudeness to him
he has placed those sweets of happiness on my desk

i shall learn from my past mistakes
and treasure them well
not asking for more
i shall treasure what i have

as i slowly savor the sweet
while whispering "thank you" to him in my heart
reminding myself not to be greedy
for i only have that much, and not ask for more

even if it may not be enough
share it i will, to others who are keen to share
for i've learnt that happiness is not to be mine alone
but to be shared and spread, or so i think, it should be

if god were never to place those candies on my desk again
it's gonna be fine to me, i guess
for i have not been a good enough child, deserving of his gifts
at least i will have some memories of those sweet of happiness
once being placed there, and sweet memories of me
once being able to treasure something with my heart

i'm unwell, i'm crazy,
i'm bent, and insane..
i'm loud, and irritating..
i'm all those that you dislike..

if so, stay away
for i have no need
for the likes of you
to be even near me

STAY AWAY !!!
insanity is contagious!
if you still wants your sanity,
stay away..

my life is meaningless.....
don't like it ?
prove me wrong !
if not, leave me alone..

why am i still alive??
what am i living for than?
i don't even know....

the only thing i know
is that i can't take my own life,
for that's what i promised him..
for that sole reason,
i can't take my own life..

someone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
end my life for me..
so that i no longer have to contradict...
so that i may be free.......
so that i can finally meet him again,
he who is gentle and kind..

he who stayed by my side,
when noone want's to get near me,
he's there, holding my hand..
when i refuse to like human,
he was there, guiding me through...
when i finally made frens,
he was there, sharing my joy....

now that i'm lost and sad again,
moved on he has,
he's no longer here.....
and when i miss him,
i can only hear his voice,
faintly in the depth of my memory.....

anyone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
for my life is meaningless
and noone will cry for me.....

would anyone kill me please.....
DO IT NOW, do it please!!!
i'm tired of waiting.......
maybe i should ignore the promise,
and end my life with these hands of mine...
and should i see him on the other side,
just tell him "i'm sorry" ??

do not fail me now, my dear sanity
for all that is left of this beaten shell
is just the sole sanity of it's pride
which does not allow one to fall

blood no longer flows
through these frozen vines
heart that can ach no more
so broken it can no longer feel

souls which are neither here, nor there
lost & empty, they wonder forever
in the vast nothingness of the universe
having nowhere to return to, nor can it disappear

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for now, you're my sole comfort & joy
love has lost, hate has numbed
lonely silent has over-killed the heart
darkness of abyss has over-killed the souls
body has been beaten & bruised
by those once being held close to the heart

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for the sake of me
for the sake of the pact i made
with the devil whom luv me so dearly
for he who is more gentle than any angels

fail me not....i beg of you
so that i can see him one last time
when my time is up
and he who guilds the souls of the departed
may come and guild me on my last journey
to the depths of hell
where suffering never ends
and fire's always raging

but as long as he's there
hell shell be my sweet heaven
my shelter frm everything
as long as he is there

13-03-2010

life is, but a stage
with ever changing settings
of which, the only unchanged things
are the raging flames, burning below one's feet
and the soothing feathers, drifting above one's head

the lead actor is non other than you
a puppet controlled, by not 1, but 2 puppeteer
the angel, being the kind creature it's meant to be,
never pull the strings too hard, allowing one some space to breath
the devil, on the other hand, never fail to seize the moment,
to pull the strings as hard as he can, trying to pull the puppet away,
to have it for himself alone

(somehow,somewhat) truth of life/ 人生の真実 (或は)

Darkness of Heart
the Cherry Blossoms are laughing
a child's play
everybody laughs
Death is born
the only one laughing,
is me

Darkness of Soul
the Cherry Blossoms are crying
a lost child
nobody's worried
something is Dying
the only one laughing,
is me

Darkness of Death
the Cherry Blossoms are Withering
a dead body
Noone's crying
Hell's fire's Burning
the only one laughing,
is me

the Cherry Blossoms are dead
so is the Child
so is the Heart & Soul of many
who worked so hard to live
they became nothing
but empty shells
and the only one laughing
... ...is him

心の闇
桜が笑っている
子供の遊び
誰もが笑う
死生まれている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(kokoro no yami
sakura ga wara~tsu te
kodomo no asobi
dare mo ga warau
shi umare te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

魂の闇
桜が泣いている
迷子
誰も心配して
何か死にかけている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(tamashī no yami
sakura ga nai te iru
maigo
dare mo shinpai shi te
nani ka shinikake te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

死の闇
桜の花も冷え込んでいる
死体
誰にも泣いて
地獄の火は燃えている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(shi no yami
sakura no hana mo hiekon de iru
shitai
dare ni mo nai te
jigoku no hi wa moe te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

桜の花死んでいる
ので、子供が
ので、心と魂は多くの
人が住んで懸命に働いた
自分たちは何になったしか
し、空の殻
との唯一の笑い
... ...彼だ

(sakura no hana shin de iru
node , kodomo ga
node , kokoro to tamashī wa ōku no
hito ga sun de kenmei ni hatarai ta
jibun tachi wa nani ni na~tsu ta
shikashi , sora no kara
to no yuiitsu no warai
... ...kare da )