Bloom

罪のバラ

rose of sins
Blooming amidst the Land of Dead
Among those deadly poison thorns
In a long God forsaken place

A land where no life survives
Non but the Devil's vines
And a single crimson rose
Never withering, never fading

It's always there
Hidden among those thorns
Blooming at it's peak of beauty
When the new moon is shining bright

forgive me! for i've done the unthinkable
for i can't turn back the hands of time
for i can't stop my heart from being the way it is now
for i can't be myself no more

forgive me! for i've become weak
for becoming frighten of something which i grew up with
for giving in to the loneliness which i should have been so familiar with
for trying to run from the darkness which i should have been accustom to
for being so blinded, i can no longer see the light

shadow / 影

beautiful shadows
following me, where ever i go
it's there
always with me, always by my side
but it's not my shadow
that's not mine

that's my creator
the original me
the one who has been traumatized
used, and abused, and thrown aside

the "Me" who chose to live
in the dark, as a shadow
allowing her very own reflections
to live her life, as her, for her
while she lives her life, as their shadow

i shall keep these feelings to myself....
not letting anyone know
to keep it from being notice
i have to first lie to myself

god has shown his mercy once again
placing a bowl of candy on my desk
despite my continue rudeness to him
he has placed those sweets of happiness on my desk

i shall learn from my past mistakes
and treasure them well
not asking for more
i shall treasure what i have

as i slowly savor the sweet
while whispering "thank you" to him in my heart
reminding myself not to be greedy
for i only have that much, and not ask for more

even if it may not be enough
share it i will, to others who are keen to share
for i've learnt that happiness is not to be mine alone
but to be shared and spread, or so i think, it should be

if god were never to place those candies on my desk again
it's gonna be fine to me, i guess
for i have not been a good enough child, deserving of his gifts
at least i will have some memories of those sweet of happiness
once being placed there, and sweet memories of me
once being able to treasure something with my heart

i'm unwell, i'm crazy,
i'm bent, and insane..
i'm loud, and irritating..
i'm all those that you dislike..

if so, stay away
for i have no need
for the likes of you
to be even near me

STAY AWAY !!!
insanity is contagious!
if you still wants your sanity,
stay away..

my life is meaningless.....
don't like it ?
prove me wrong !
if not, leave me alone..

why am i still alive??
what am i living for than?
i don't even know....

the only thing i know
is that i can't take my own life,
for that's what i promised him..
for that sole reason,
i can't take my own life..

someone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
end my life for me..
so that i no longer have to contradict...
so that i may be free.......
so that i can finally meet him again,
he who is gentle and kind..

he who stayed by my side,
when noone want's to get near me,
he's there, holding my hand..
when i refuse to like human,
he was there, guiding me through...
when i finally made frens,
he was there, sharing my joy....

now that i'm lost and sad again,
moved on he has,
he's no longer here.....
and when i miss him,
i can only hear his voice,
faintly in the depth of my memory.....

anyone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
for my life is meaningless
and noone will cry for me.....

would anyone kill me please.....
DO IT NOW, do it please!!!
i'm tired of waiting.......
maybe i should ignore the promise,
and end my life with these hands of mine...
and should i see him on the other side,
just tell him "i'm sorry" ??

do not fail me now, my dear sanity
for all that is left of this beaten shell
is just the sole sanity of it's pride
which does not allow one to fall

blood no longer flows
through these frozen vines
heart that can ach no more
so broken it can no longer feel

souls which are neither here, nor there
lost & empty, they wonder forever
in the vast nothingness of the universe
having nowhere to return to, nor can it disappear

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for now, you're my sole comfort & joy
love has lost, hate has numbed
lonely silent has over-killed the heart
darkness of abyss has over-killed the souls
body has been beaten & bruised
by those once being held close to the heart

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for the sake of me
for the sake of the pact i made
with the devil whom luv me so dearly
for he who is more gentle than any angels

fail me not....i beg of you
so that i can see him one last time
when my time is up
and he who guilds the souls of the departed
may come and guild me on my last journey
to the depths of hell
where suffering never ends
and fire's always raging

but as long as he's there
hell shell be my sweet heaven
my shelter frm everything
as long as he is there