i'm unwell, i'm crazy,
i'm bent, and insane..
i'm loud, and irritating..
i'm all those that you dislike..

if so, stay away
for i have no need
for the likes of you
to be even near me

STAY AWAY !!!
insanity is contagious!
if you still wants your sanity,
stay away..

my life is meaningless.....
don't like it ?
prove me wrong !
if not, leave me alone..

why am i still alive??
what am i living for than?
i don't even know....

the only thing i know
is that i can't take my own life,
for that's what i promised him..
for that sole reason,
i can't take my own life..

someone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
end my life for me..
so that i no longer have to contradict...
so that i may be free.......
so that i can finally meet him again,
he who is gentle and kind..

he who stayed by my side,
when noone want's to get near me,
he's there, holding my hand..
when i refuse to like human,
he was there, guiding me through...
when i finally made frens,
he was there, sharing my joy....

now that i'm lost and sad again,
moved on he has,
he's no longer here.....
and when i miss him,
i can only hear his voice,
faintly in the depth of my memory.....

anyone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
for my life is meaningless
and noone will cry for me.....

would anyone kill me please.....
DO IT NOW, do it please!!!
i'm tired of waiting.......
maybe i should ignore the promise,
and end my life with these hands of mine...
and should i see him on the other side,
just tell him "i'm sorry" ??

do not fail me now, my dear sanity
for all that is left of this beaten shell
is just the sole sanity of it's pride
which does not allow one to fall

blood no longer flows
through these frozen vines
heart that can ach no more
so broken it can no longer feel

souls which are neither here, nor there
lost & empty, they wonder forever
in the vast nothingness of the universe
having nowhere to return to, nor can it disappear

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for now, you're my sole comfort & joy
love has lost, hate has numbed
lonely silent has over-killed the heart
darkness of abyss has over-killed the souls
body has been beaten & bruised
by those once being held close to the heart

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for the sake of me
for the sake of the pact i made
with the devil whom luv me so dearly
for he who is more gentle than any angels

fail me not....i beg of you
so that i can see him one last time
when my time is up
and he who guilds the souls of the departed
may come and guild me on my last journey
to the depths of hell
where suffering never ends
and fire's always raging

but as long as he's there
hell shell be my sweet heaven
my shelter frm everything
as long as he is there

13-03-2010

life is, but a stage
with ever changing settings
of which, the only unchanged things
are the raging flames, burning below one's feet
and the soothing feathers, drifting above one's head

the lead actor is non other than you
a puppet controlled, by not 1, but 2 puppeteer
the angel, being the kind creature it's meant to be,
never pull the strings too hard, allowing one some space to breath
the devil, on the other hand, never fail to seize the moment,
to pull the strings as hard as he can, trying to pull the puppet away,
to have it for himself alone

(somehow,somewhat) truth of life/ 人生の真実 (或は)

Darkness of Heart
the Cherry Blossoms are laughing
a child's play
everybody laughs
Death is born
the only one laughing,
is me

Darkness of Soul
the Cherry Blossoms are crying
a lost child
nobody's worried
something is Dying
the only one laughing,
is me

Darkness of Death
the Cherry Blossoms are Withering
a dead body
Noone's crying
Hell's fire's Burning
the only one laughing,
is me

the Cherry Blossoms are dead
so is the Child
so is the Heart & Soul of many
who worked so hard to live
they became nothing
but empty shells
and the only one laughing
... ...is him

心の闇
桜が笑っている
子供の遊び
誰もが笑う
死生まれている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(kokoro no yami
sakura ga wara~tsu te
kodomo no asobi
dare mo ga warau
shi umare te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

魂の闇
桜が泣いている
迷子
誰も心配して
何か死にかけている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(tamashī no yami
sakura ga nai te iru
maigo
dare mo shinpai shi te
nani ka shinikake te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

死の闇
桜の花も冷え込んでいる
死体
誰にも泣いて
地獄の火は燃えている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(shi no yami
sakura no hana mo hiekon de iru
shitai
dare ni mo nai te
jigoku no hi wa moe te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

桜の花死んでいる
ので、子供が
ので、心と魂は多くの
人が住んで懸命に働いた
自分たちは何になったしか
し、空の殻
との唯一の笑い
... ...彼だ

(sakura no hana shin de iru
node , kodomo ga
node , kokoro to tamashī wa ōku no
hito ga sun de kenmei ni hatarai ta
jibun tachi wa nani ni na~tsu ta
shikashi , sora no kara
to no yuiitsu no warai
... ...kare da )

i write words of love, yet i have not loved
how can i be writing things which i have not felt ?!
could it be that i have indeed loved, once, without even knowing
could it be, that my hate and resentment, was once love, so long time ago ??

if i have not loved, how can i hate ?!
how can one know sadness without knowing what happiness is ??
if i have not loved, than what is this i feel
whenever i see this shadow in my dreams
even now, i still see him, passing through every corner of my dreams
those feelings beyond what words can say
those feelings, only felt when i'm in my dreams
so real, yet so unreal...
for i can no longer tell a dream from the real world
when i'm seeing him even with eyes wide open

juz a shadow lingering by my side
he is my only sanity, reminding me hate is not all i have
even when noone else knows that he's there, he's there
even if noone belives he's there, he's there
by my side, even when i'm awake
to remind me that even if the whole world hates me now
at least i'll have 1 person who i can turn to
and trust that he, and only he, will not betray me
as we are one and the same..
he is my madness, and my sanity
the part of myself where i retreat to when seeking peace
the part i retreat to when i need a solitary place

yes, i think i've loved, and am still loving
but the object of my love and hatred may not be what i thought to be
it's no the world, or other people, which i loved or hated
it was me, myself all along, all these times
it's juz me, myself, in a world of my own

in this
Ever Changing
environment

people
wif their ever Changing
Hearts

Bonds,
& Feelings
which remains
the same
(through time and space)

has become
so rare,
so precious

beauty of the sakura tree (part 1)

a single Cherry Blossom tree

blossoms

in a mid afternoon

in a solitary place

a place where noone has ever been to

However Beautiful,

However Macnificent

However Alluring

noone will ever know

for noone has seen it's beauty

for noone knows it exist...

......................................