I'm fine.

I'll say I'm fine till the day I die.
When people say I'm pretty, I say thanks with a slight bow and a smile on my face.
Being told I'm pretty, even hundreds and thousands of times, won't change the fact that I still feel ugly deep inside.

I'll say I'm fine till the day I die.
When people ask me how was my day, I reply it's great with a big bright smile.
Even though everyday is a struggle, no one needs to know, as no one could understand even if they knew.

I'll say I'm fine till the day I die.
Doll myself up from time to time, make myself feel beautiful even though it won't last.
Take picture of me when I'm at my best, so that I may look at it when I'm breaking apart, to remind me that I was beautiful once, to remind me how low I've fallen.

I'll say I'm fine till the day I die.
Trying hard to minimize contact with another people, so that when the time comes, no one will remember me.

I'll say I'm fine till the day I die.
No matter how many times I lie, a lie can never become the truth, and I can never be "fine" like how I was meant to.

A pretty face can't be sad, a big wide smile can't be depressed.
Stuck in a loop with no way out, maybe it's just my mind refusing to see the exit sign hanging so high up.

Never mind sunny future where soft breeze carrying smell of spring exists. Never mind the moon and stars shining brightly on a cloudless night.
Never mind the innocent smiles and laughter of children playing in the yard.
Never mind gossips and idle chats shared among friends on a girl's day out.

Bright side never liked me well, nor does life itself.
Never mind all the possibilities that future might hold.
A wish so simple yet rejected by the world.
A wish for sooner death, no explanation needed.

Every morning I wake with disappointment, a realization that I have yet another day to live.
Like clockwork, going through the same motions and routine, day by day, week by week. And before you knew it, months and years went by, and I am alive, still.
Wearing the brightest smile, looking my best, assuring people that nothing is wrong. It is said that when a lie gets told often enough, it slowly becomes the truth. Maybe, just maybe, if I smile a little brighter, look a little better, and lie to a few more people that everything's going great, everything is going to be just fine, right?

Forsaken by both God and the Devil, thrown into this mundane world with neither a plan, nor a future, only with a single instruction "fade into oblivion upon the end of your mortal live".

Incomplete and broken I am. Empty as one could be. Incapable of many emotions I am. Only anger, sadness and guilt are those familiar to me.

Leeching onto feelings of others, I feel no joy nor passion of my own. I've never known love for another fellow human, don't think I ever will.

Make haste! Make haste!
May the end be here much sooner, rather then later!
Make way! Make haste!
Clear the paths, make no oaths!
No time for regrets, what-ifs, or make-believes.
Shoulder the sins and wrongs of others, it don't matter, it's only natural.
Noone's perfect, neither am I, who are we to judge one another?
Make haste! Make way!
Clear the path not to heaven, nor to hell.
A road to oblivion, I shall carve it out, for I will only dissappear into nothingness when I'm gone, just like how I have always been, even when amongst the living.

DEAD with a heartbeat

What do you mean I'm still alive? Aren't I already dead??
I'm here but never seen, my voice are never heard.
Only here for your convenience, my rights never mattered.
Bleed it out till I'm dry, pay no mind, it's all just in my head.

What do you mean I'm strong and yet have a heart of stone?
Indeed my heart don't beat, neither does my blood flow.
Throw me into the fire and I will not burn,
neither will I freeze when you throw me out into the snow.

Am I dead? Aren't I dead??
Haven't I been dead for so long, have I ever even lived??
A heart that cracks with every beat, simply waiting to turn into ash.
A life that's not even mine, should I even continue living?

向使命的終點慢慢前進，命運我的齒輪已開始旋轉。
眾神的失誤，魑魅的引誘惑與陪伴。
天堂地獄都不去，只願與＇它＇一同遊戲在時間的細缝裡。

Forget me not! Oh how I prayed to God.
Forget not those tears I've cried,
Forget not those laughter of joy.
Even through the many cycle of rebirth, forget me not.

Through the lies and deceit of the people,
You're the only truth I've known.
Through the sorrows and despair of the world,
You're the only joy and hope I've been shown.

Forget me not! Oh how I prayed to God.
Through the many cycle of rebirth, I remember me not.
You, who froze your time for me,
Remind me of us! Oh won't you please.

the 1st and last i'll write about J. Hani.

Bonds are precious, more so than diamonds
Promises not kept are nothing more than meaningless words
A hug, a touch, even a handshake,
Could mean so much more than empty words

Lies, deceit, pity, and sympathy not needed
If honesty could not be given, silence would be preferred
Time has passed, memories forged
Regrets and 'what ifs', what good are they for?

Feelings lost, or maybe there never was
Both good times and bad are time lost and gone
Tears were cries, sleepless nights has passed
Thank you for the memories, and I'll be saying good bye for good

The All Mighty King Have Spoken!!
I am, nothing but a mere chambermaid in his court.
His kind words are, but a tease to kill his boredom.
The truth, they are too much for my fragile heart to bare.
And i can stay no longer, not in this court, not in his court.
My Dear King, i cannot serve your highness anymore.
It saddens me, but to leave i must, for i can no longer look you in the eye.
No, i should say, even the sound of your footsteps echoing through the corridor, makes my heart skip a beat and brings tears rolling within my eye.

I have to say, i will miss those ruby eyes, those soft curly golden hair, and your deep majestic voice.
Alas~! Farewell~! I know you will miss me not, nevertheless, i hope you will remember this chambermaid once in a blue moon.

looking deep into you eyes,
i thought i can see my future in them.
painted with colors and smiles,
are the future i see, behind those clear hazel eyes.

hoping to hear your voice, calling out my name,
when i'm wide awake, and not only in my dreams.
hoping to feel your arms around me, to feel your warm embrace,
during nights such as this, so quiet and lonely,
it's silence almost deafening.

15/02/2012

Slowly, bit by bit, her heart and soul is being devoured,
by the wicked nature which slumbers deep within her.

Without realizing, she started to change, 
into something foreign, something new.

Slowly, she stopped believing in happy endings,
surely, her mind became more and more twisted.

Gore-rified my valentine~

Paint those blood roses black, for crimson it may be, it does not convey how dark love might be...

Pick some stars off the violet sky, engrave it deep into skin if both U and I, for it is said nothing last forever, at least now, it'll last as long as we do...

Pave the path with petals and thorns, bare feet, we shall walk down tat very path, leaving behind our bloody foot prints, fade in time it will, at least those scars we bare remains...

story (in progress) cont

...collecting her thoughts, she called out "i..is there a..any..anyone ou..out there?" thinking tat someone might have entered the mansion by accident. But, there was no reply!! While the slow and steady footsteps still echos throughout the eerie silent. "h..hello?" Yukiwa tried to raise her voice, but her fear was greater, and her voice won't even echos within the room....

story (in progress)

in midst of a eerie silent, sound of steady footsteps can be heard, though it's faint, but still can be heard.
all alone in the mansion, yukiwa reached out to the light switch in her room. *flick*, still, total darkness.
she searched her drawers for the torchlight, it's nowhere to be found!!
panic, she grabbed her phone to call for help, but, none of her calls could get through!
she take a look at the screen, only to find tat there was totally zero signal....

little gray wolf

First, there came a little gray wolf.
wounded, it limped it's way to the small little cave..
Than, there was none..
A haunting howl echo through the cave and valley, 
but the little gray wolf was never found...

open up one's eye to see

that one is blinded by those illusions around him...

uses one's heart to see

that the truth shall unfold itself before thee

seasons comes, seasons goes
juz like how people come and go
frens, family, lovers, haters
not a single one of them stays forever

love, is like faith,
it's a gift, not to be taken forgranted
for many, including me
are not blessed wif such gift
and never will

God, u want to fellowship wif me
but, i have to decline..
for to go heaven is not my wish
for i never wanted an everlasting life

God, u are gd, u are graceful
your greatness is known to most, including me
many seek to get closer to you, but not me
for i know my place well, way too well
thus, i can never enter those holy gates of heavens

forgiveness is wad i seek not
for i shall not seek that which i knew i'll never receive
thus, same goes for love and faith

ur grace, ur greatness
they are all like bright and blinding lights
gentle, warm, comfortable,
yet, way too blinding for me

i am the seed of the underworld
darkness and chaos is where i should be..
burn in the flames of hell i shall
for that is where i should be...

dreams are dreams, nothing but a made believe
seems so real, yet never were

dreams are dreams, be it a nightmare be it sweet
once woken, everything fades away

i am me, nothing but me
a tiny existance, never to be remembered

i am me, all so true, yet unreal
for like a dream, once i left, all memory of me fades away
never stay, never lingers, i'll always be the dream u can never remember..

17 nov 11

heaven's gate wont open
neither will the path to hell show
noone's waiting with their arms open
i can only wait for this desert to snow

gods are watching, angels are listening
so are satans and devils
but all they do is just to enjoy the show
they watch us just as we watch our actors act

people see, people hear
but do anyone knows what is it that they see or hear
or are they just like everything else
where everything around is just an interactive movie
they are the main character and nothing else matters

if so, than i must be the passerby in every movie
never mattered, never stayed
never would anyone even noticed
even if i were to disappear one fine day

noone would notice, noone would care
noone would bother cuz noone knows

i shall fade into the world which has quietly waited
for me to return to it's embrace once more
where no masks are needed
no hypocritsy requried
there i shall be
returning to the state which i should've been
to the place of all beginning

laviakay

17/11/2011