25/11/09 02

cut myself, but it won't bleed
bite myself, but it won't bleed
should i cut deeper, bite harder?
or should i use a sharper knife instead of a stupid wine key??
______________________________________________

the kind and gentle "me" is still in there
even though she may not seems to be
for i cannot hurt others, juz as much as i cannot hurt myself

it would seems that she's somewhere in the depth of our subconscious
preventing the worst from happening
from a place i can never reach, somewhere where i cannot stop her..

25/11/09 01

chain me up, and abuse me
whip me if it pleases you
induce pain onto my flesh
pain enough to numb the heart
the bleeding, aching heart of mine
________________________

let her cry, let her be
for this is how things are from the very beginning
fooled by those kindness
blinded by the light
taken for-granted are the nature of man
forgetting the darkness which awaits
on the other side, behind the curtains
well hidden by a vail of vain hypocrisy

lost of a family, lost of another loved ones
genuine sadness, overflowing sorrows
people are crying, with their tears unseen
hearts are aching, smiles are fading
having lost someone important, their other half
they are slowly whithering, dying from within

friends, family, and other close ones
those who are still around,
those who are left behind,
being there for one another
to become each other's support
is all there is to do, is all that has to be done
in order to ensure that those whom they care for
are strong enough to carry on life as usual
they themselves have to be strong
so as to become a pillar of support for others..

looking up to the starry sky,
with such comforting wind
blowing gently through one's hair

the clouds, the stars, the sky, the wind
all seems so beautiful at this point of time
during this short-lived moment
before the sun rises, before daybreak..

lavia kay
22/11/2009 (0620h)

random 19/11/2009

i shall stone, in a daze
~to dream~to wish~
~to hope~to pray~
to have a chance to
be with you again~ ^^

your smile / あなたの笑顔

brighter than any stars
you are
more comfortable than any forms of comfort

never fail to make me feel better
your smile
so rare, so priceless,
so precious it is, to me
i hide it not only in the in the depths of my memory
but deep in my heart, & deep in my soul

beyond the reach of anyone, or anything
somewhere where it can always remain as it is
un-touched, un-tainted, un-change-able

(supposed to be) last poem to him/ for him/ (inspired) by him

hunted by the ghost of you..
why won't you juz let me be..
everywhere i turn it's you i see..
why can't you juz set me free..
the agony of knowing i'm not the 1 for you
tore me up real bad inside..
waking from the dream
knowing we were never meant to be
cause me to feel pain i've never felt..
no longer to be hunted by the past of you and i..
a sweet memory that's all it should be..
not a phantom of you lingering aruond
reminding how thing were for you and me..
not to love you anymore
is all i can pray and wish for..
knowing you're better off without me..
even though for you i can give up my all..
but neither you nor ishould be living a life made of lies..

kay29/06/2009

rain & shine/cherish

let it pour,let it rain
may the waters wash away my pain
too much for my heart to bare
it's slowly taking my life away

where's the sun, let it
it warm my frozen heart
so cold, so hardit no longer feels or beats

gentle breeze, blow for me
carry my sorrows with you
bring it far from my heart
may it disappear forever

dark abyss, never to come near me
you have lock me up long enough
taking away warmth and light
robbing my very life from me

to laugh, to cry, to smile, to frown
to love, to hate, to live, to play
to be myself with no fear of rejections
to cherish life, live with no regrets..

6july 09

i'm a sinner, i've sinned a sin
so great, i should've been drag to the depths of hell
stake me for my mistakes, burn me for my sins
never am i allowed to walk the surface as one of the living
but rather as a walking, breathing, living dead

i've wanted that of which i should't even dream of
i've desire for that of which i shouldn't even think of
i've held close of which i shouldn't even touch
i've lived a life which should've been mine
is it really me living this life when i should've been long dead

carrying a curse, a burden, a unwanted gift
to live a life, not being able to dream, to crave, to want, to hope
everything goes wrong once my heart starts feeling any of those
all those i've once held dear to me, had all disappear
all those i've ever wanted juz moved further from me, the harder i try

stake me for my mistakes, burn me for my sins
for i've felt loved, warmth, and even hope
i've had dreams of sunlights and companionship
i've had desire to love, be loved, and even to be
in the embrace of he who is special, feeling his heart close to mine

am i allowed to go through the doors of happiness
am i allowed to hold the keys of hope
am i allowed to feel the gentle breeze in daylight
am i allowed a future which is mine to shape with my own hands
am i allowed to live a life which is mine to hold

kay 23/06/09

Blue Moon Cries/ 青い月叫び

Sounds of Sorrow, Sounds of Griff
Sounds of lonely despair, longing for Peace
Pitiful howls which tells a tale
of a tragic past filled with blood and tears

13 years once, people hide
on the night when the blue moon's high
and the river of life runs dry
for it's the night when the Blue Moon Cries

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

悲しみのサウンド、グリフの音
孤独、絶望、平和のためのあこがれの音
哀れなの話に指示鳴き声
悲劇的な過去の血と涙でいっぱいに

13年に1度、人々を非表示
夜にブルームーンの高
生命の川実行乾燥の
ために夜のときに、ブルームーン叫び

kanashimi no saundo , gurifuno oto
kodoku , zetsubō , heiwa no tame no akogare no oto
aware na no hanashi ni shiji nakigoe
higeki teki na kako no chi to namida de ippai ni

13nen ni 1do , hitobito wo hi hyōji
yoru ni burū mūn no kō
seimei no kawa jikkō kansō no
tame ni yoru no toki ni , burū mūn sakebi

a little something for a short story i never had time to write

i'm missing the blue moon
which i once saw,
in my dreams,
with noone to hold.

i'm missing the gentle breeze
which ran through my hair,
feeling it's comforting touch
with my cold bleeding hands.

i certianly misses you!
a kind, gentle soul...
a part of my past...
in the depths of my memory...
a boy whom i met...
only in my dreams... ...

~changes/変化~

just like the sands of time
slipping through one's fingers
slowly...but surely...

Bonds and Relations between people
goes through changes as times goes by
some endured...while others fade

people comes and people goes
cherish those who're close to you
for who will stay...we'll never know

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

時間の砂と同じように
指の間から滑り
ゆっくりと... だが、確かに...

社債および関係人々の間
変化を通過する時間が経つにつれて
いくつかの我慢... ...しながら他のフェード

人が来て、人が行く
人が近くにいる大切
にとって滞在する...我々を知ることはありませんよ

jikan no suna to onaji yō ni
yubi no ma kara suberi
yukkuri to ... da ga , tashika ni ...

shasai oyobi kankei hitobito no ma
henka wo tsūka suru jikan ga tatsu nitsurete
ikutsu ka no gaman ... ...shi nagara ta no fēdo

hito ga ki te , hito ga iku
hito ga chikaku ni iru taisetsu
nitotte taizai suru ...wareware wo shiru koto wa ari mase n yo


Kay written 30/11/07
edited 08/06/09

bloody beautiful view

*note regarding this post*
(ps. PLS visualise if possible, if not at least try to..
otherwise it would seems abit senseless or something
for this is a SUPER short one, and the beauty & meaning
comes from the image which i've seen in my head..
many thanks~)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beautiful gardens, Crimson Roses
Blooming in the darkest of times
Accompanied by the cries of many Widows

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

reminder of him..11 nov 09

his gentleness, i cannot forget
his silence, it still linger
his shadow, never fading
his love, was never for me

he's a player who played his game well
though his felings might have been true
but they were never real to begin with

"how i wish i could hate him"
"how i wish i could forget him"
"how i wish i could regret knowing him"
how i wish, i would wish for all these

my heart wouldn't allow me to hate him
nor would it allow me to forget him
how could i regret knowing him, when even after so long
even after all these, i'm still glad i've met him in "97" that nite
and i could not forget how he place his head on mine,
when i was sleeping on his shoulder in a cab...
that gentleness, i could not forget...

sorry~

got think 2 more to post..but will post them up a little later..cuz really gotta go sleep alreadi~
and for those who have been reading this blog of mine, really appreciate it..^^
honto ni arigatou for you support nya~^^
can't promise tat i'll post more often as is kinda hard for me to catch some of the inspiration i get sometimes when it comes while i'm in the middle of a busy nite @ work..><
wad i can do is try to read more stuff (i say i'll TRY..) and will post here some things which i like..(provided i can get past falling asleep even before finish reading 2whole page..;p)
mayb you guys/gals can also suggest some books which you think it's good and that i should read up ones..

thats it for now..gotta head towards lala land before i go brain-dead again..;p
oyasumi~ nitez~ wan an~ xD ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ

love me, hate me..do wadever you wan but dun try to change me~

love me for the gal i am
hate me for the monster i have inside
take for granted the good i've done
criticized for the slightest mistake i've made

i tried to believe, i tried to like
this world we lived in, so dark, so veil
i tried to listen, i tried to speak
to the people living among us, all so fake, so vain

i tried to forgive, tried to forget
the greed of men, and the useless me

i've tried my best, i really did
tried so hard, that the darkness of the world had swollowed me whole
and i've realisedthe darkness of a humans heart
is something even the brightest of light cannot pierce through..

12/06/09..inspired by the song "looking for angel"

everyone's looking for a rainbow
we'll search high & low, near & far
everyone's looking for somewhere they belong
somewhere they can be accepted for who they are

some people wants the pot of gold, on the other end of the rainbow
some people wants to fly freely, like the doves flying high in the sky
to be rich, to be free, to become a somebody someday

living in fear, living in poverty
among injustice, and inequality
people calling out, people screaming loud
people scrambling the streets, looking for an angel

a friend, a family, or even a strange juz around the corner
angels can be found in the strangest places
juz take a closer, deeper look at every brothers and sisters
angels can be found even in you and in me