06/09/2010 0403h

heart once broken
can never be whole
heart which has known betrayal too well
can it ever know trust once more?

though it is said
"one can know not what light is,
without tasting what darkness can bring"

when one has been swollowed whole
by the darkness which the world holds
can he ever catch a glimse of whst light is?

hearts, empty as the BlackHole
wif feelings and emotions all forgotten
without wishes, nor desires
beat for the sake of beating
providing life, without even knowing

souls, lost as the stars in the vast universe
wif emotions still lingering, and feelings not forgotten
without a proper resting place,
wondering endlessly, without peace
seeking forever, for something which never exsist

humans, self-proclaimed ruler of all life on earth
wif tecnologies, they over-killed nature
wif their ambitions, they slowly murder our home
without kindess, without mercy
will Man ever learn thier from mistakes of the past
will their Heart and Soul ever be free, and return to their original state

10/08/2010 2334h

won't you come,
stay for the night
and sing for me,
your bitter sweet lullaby

one last time,
before we part
one last favour,
won't you say yes

with your arms,
just hold me tight
even if it's just for tonight,
won't you hold me one last time

whisper my name,
soft and gently
with those voice of yours,
may i remember me

look into my eyes,
intense, yet,
without emotions
your eyes, which reflects oblivion,
may it remind me,
of the joy and pain,
which the living brings

06/08/2010 0541h

lost and wary
and feelings of strange abandonment

nowhere to run, noone to turn to
life is but an endless cycle
of standing still, and goin in circles...

blame nooone!
for the mistakes of the past & the presents
blame everyone else!!
for the flaw we all see in humanity

who are we to judge otheers
do we not make the same mistakes as they did
who are we to criticize others
do we not, even though different,
have flaws of our own which we might overlooked ourselves

be not hasty to be joyous for the living
neither to morn and be sadden for the dead
for life is never juz sunshines and rainbows
neither is death juz the cold darkness of the hellish abyss

see with not our eyes
feel with not our skin
but with the gift of the heart & soul

for than the truth shall be known
as the heart & soul see not the surface of life

04/08/2010 1550h

i am, nothing,
but an offspring of hell
creation of not love,
but of evil itself

i am, but an empty vessel
in the form of an human being
my soul is black, so is my blood
and i have a heart, which does not beat


i am, not of the living
judge not by the standard of man
neither am i, one of the dead
for they have cast me out to roam among this land

i am, nothing,
yet, am everything at the same time
i am, nothing,
but me, myself, and i
which existence could never be understood by man

i am, but another face in the crowd
judge me not! by your silly standards
oh foolish being of the living
for not even God in heaven,
or even Satan in hell dare judge me
by those so-called 'standards' of yours

i am, nothing
but a soul, awaiting my deeds to be done
not to be judged among the living,
by the living, as a living
but by thee who resides
high above and deep below

26/07/2010 0102h

you says things, which you don't mean
all your apolegies no longer mean anything
neither do your gratitude mean a thing
for they are just words,
spoken for the sake that it need to be spoken
contain neither meanings, nor feelings
your words are as empty as you are

a forgiving heart, is something i lack
especially towards those whom my heart no longer yearn for
so to let everything go, setting myself free
frm all those invisible locks which i've placed upon myself
for your pleasure, i've forsaken my freedom of heart
thus before i turn into a nasty beast
i shall free my soul to, once again, roam the skys

for now, at least, for now,
while i still am myself,
lets end things the way it should be
tie me down no longer,
with those puppy eyes, innocent stares
and words of sorrows, tone of he who has lost faith in life

your hack-care attitude, i've had enough
i am no angel, towards those i no longer have interest in
so you should go, before my horns starts to show
do not tempt fate, and be a casanova when you can't
never should you try to tame a serpent, which no longer seek your open arms
better to let her go, while she still bother to ignore your exsistence
before she changes her mind, and bare those potant fangs of hers at you

16/08/2010 0452h

dreams, are dreams....
things not meant to be, in reality

drifting from places to places,
in search for that special heaven...
to rest one's mind and soul
within it's momentary peace

dreamers seeks shelter,
in dreams they dream...
for the joy and peace there,
can never be found, in that world of the awaken

harsh and cruel, are the truth of life
giving no comfort, showing no mercy
one can only await for the time to arrive
when reality crush and break them into million pieces
with the truth, which was hidden, behind those velvet curtains

18/07/2010 0424h

oh fate!
it was you, who taught me trust and believe!!
and it was you as well, sadly,
who also taught me the pain of betrayal..

and after so many disappointment you've showed me,
you have once again asked of me to believe once more.
have you not showed me enough of the ugly side of life!?
have you not scar my soul enough to let me go!?

i have seen one too many, of what humans nature are!
so much so, till i cannot refuse to see the truth..
so much so, that i've become one of those i hated to be...
more twisted, more contradicting has become of me....

to what extend, do i have to lose myself,
in order to please your sick and self-pleasuring mind!?
to what extend, do i have to fall from grace,
in order to please your horrid twisted soul!?

15/07/2010 0257h

pure as snow, is the soul of the innocent
hiding away from the world
unspeakable pain and sadness
deep in her heart, buried within the snow

seeking not, the approval of those around
but the smiles of those she cares
seeking not, to be trusted by those around
but to trust, and not be betrayed, by those dear to her

wanting not, to feel joy all by herself
but to spread and share it to those around
how can one share what she doesn't have
how can one spread joy, when sadness is all her heart knows of

life have brought nothing but pain and betrayal
while death has brought those who cares to her
the world of the living as nothing but hell
while the abyss of the dead is her shelter and heaven

15/07/2010 0154h

in things which i've never give a damn,
i shouldn't even care, not even once.
in things which i've never believed in,
i should never even start to believe, ever!

why even bother,when to them
i'm just another worthless, useless shit
why start believing, when in the end
everything which you know, will end up being nothing but lies

should've return to my original state of existence
where i'm shunned and hated by all
back to the state of absolute solitude
where kindness do not exist in me at all.......

14/007/2010 2159h

time to pray, time to sleep
time to put all woes away
once you wake, it's a brand new day
and surely you're gonna see those smiles again

important to me, are those around
and their voices are the most lovely sound
to see them play, and hear them laugh
to have loads of fun or juz lazing around

when i close my eyes, those time continues
when i wake, the fun shall continue
for i'm sure we'll hang out again, soon~
♥

looking forward, with no emotions
eyes as such
what future can they see

pale and gray, skin like those of a corpse
with a lifeless body
what more can the soul do

endlessly wondering, among thoughts
of everything, of nothingness
can one remain sane, while being lost in never-ending circle

words of the heart, never to be spoken
lips sewn shut
what hope is there to speak of

life is the beginning?
no, death is
life is to be feared, for it the true ending

as such, i place no hope in life
but rather, in death i seek peace
for it is there, in death, where i shall start my stories

6/7/2010 1657h

to You, my Love......i'm sorry

Death! u love me so
but why do you wish for me to live
why not just take my soul
and make it yours
just as you are mine....

Humans! which despise me so
with your sick way of reasoning
there is no end to my suffering
yet you refuse to let me die
for you will have one less soul to torture

Gods! u love me as well
but your selfish love comes wif a price
u love me, as long as i'm alone
but when i mingle wif others
one is bound to suffer
for i am meant to be yours, and yours alone
not to be shared among the rest of foolish humans

Death! u love me so
why did u forbid me to take my own life
why is it tat our contract states
"i am to live my life, happily, till it's natural end"
why won't you let me go to you

Death! u know i love you so
u know i long to be your's alone
but all u do is smile, and encourage
and at times, those smiles
they just make my desire to be wif you stronger
for i am juz another foolish, naive human
whose selfishness knows no bound
who is weak in the face of adversity
who is easy to back down in face of difficulties

so Death, my beloved Death
i apologize in advance
just in case i have really lost it
and could not fulfill our contract
u may punish me as u deem fit
when i have truly crossover to your domain

6/7/2010 1435h

Where have you been, my love
my Angel, so sweet
Do you not know that i remember you still
Have you not remember that promise we made together
or have you been forced, into becoming a human,
like me
somewhere far beyond my reach

When will we finally meet again
my love, so kind
Do you long for me, just as i have for you

Now that you can be seen & heard by others,
will your love not waver, by the temptations of the world
Will you love me the same, just as always,
knowing that i'm nothing but a plain & ordinary girl
while you, my love, is a charming devil in disguise
Will you still love me the same, my angle
just as you did, till now

i've been sent, to roam,
among the living
drenched in plague
clothed by death

wanting nothing more
than to live in solitary peace
for it is not my will
to bring upon destruction of man

deep in the jungle
among the valley of death
is where i shall reside
a place, almost impossible to set foot in

but my quiet days were not meant to last
for once in awhile, beyond my control
lost travelers will chance upon my domain
soon after, stories will spread like wild fire

HUMANS! Does Your Foolishness Knows No Bound!?

trying so hard to find
things which weren't meant to be known

trying so hard to reach
that which is untouchable

thus, bring upon themselves
a fate, which is inevitable

for i am sent
by Hell itself
to punish those humans
who no longer abide by the rules

i seek not, the destruction of man!
it is not my nature to do so
it's they themselves who seek their own destruction
via their disobedience, and redundant curiosity
they brought upon themselves,
a fate, no one can save them from

26/06/2010 1819h

我がの気持ち

as i took his hand
and place it where my heart is
wondering if he can feel my heartbeat
or even, all those feelings which are being kept there

a love which is hard to contain
a love which is overflowing
as i pray that they'll pass on to him
while his hand feels my steady heartbeat

black is all i known
for that was all that i see
in a world where no light can be found
i grew up, not knowing the colours of joy

yes, that WAS my world
the darkness of the deep abyss
till you came, everything changed
you are the light, which manage to shine
through those walls i've built around me

for the first time in my life
i can see the azure sky
i can see clouds drifting, and flowers blooming
above all, i can see that beautiful rainbow
stretching across the clear blue sky

you Are the colours that i'm seeing
you Are the joy which i'm feeling
you Are all that was unfamiliar to me
most of all ... ...
you are the love i never knew i had in me

24/06/2010

dreams, not meant to be
memories, not as sweet as it seems
tainted by the lust of man
is there any good, left in me?

kindness, not always true
so as love, not always real
when light, isn't all that comforting
and darkness, isn't all that frightening

pitiful souls,
tricked by the vain hypocrisy of the world
refusing their very own hearts
they know nothing, but to run from the truth

what are truth?
when they are something which people refuse to see and believe
what are lies??
when they are something people chose to embrace & worship,and seek comfort in

20/06/2010
0330h

桜 の花

the pale pink petals
of the cherry blossom flower
behold it's beauty
an art of nature's creation

beauty beyond the description of words
beauty which is out of this world
mesmerizing all who set their eye onto thee
making them drunk in joy & ecstasy

flowers which are suppose to be as white as snow
tainted by the blood of the deceased
possessed by the spirits of those who cannot move on
a beauty so sad, yet so alluring to all

愛する死神

dearest Death, leave me not
for the stillness of the air around you
is what i've accustom to

don't leave me now, don't leave me Ever!
just stay by my side, for you are my 1 & only companion
Stay with me! till me end is here

i'll be waiting patiently, for that day to arrive
for you to come, and ferry my soul away
into the depths of hell, there is where i should've been

never meant to roam the earth, among the living
my existence was a mistake from the very beginning
for i was never meant to be, part of the human beings

being abandon, time & time again
all hope is lost, only despair & pain is left behind
how i wish yo cold come for me sooner, before my time is up
to ferry my soul away, from this land, which were never meant to be my home

there in your abyss, is where i should be
where darkness is all that surrounds me
only there, can i find comfort & peace

my beloved Death! why won't you come sooner
end my pain & these endless sufferings
i'm longing to be back, into your sweet embrace

a desire so wrong, a wish never meant to come true
but that is the sole desire my heart is having
that is a wish, i'm praying, that'll come true somehow

back in your arms, surround by your love
surround by nothing but the darkness so pure
is where i shal make my home, where i shall find my peace

13/06/2010
0404h

forgive me, for i've sinned
a sin so deep, i should never be forgiven

i've yearn for something
which could never been mine
yet, i reach out for it still
not to hold it close, but juz to feel it with my skin
knowingly i shouldn't have done so

forgive me, for i've sinned
a sin so deep, i should never been forgiven

there will be neither salvation, nor redemption
not even in death, for the likes of me
even so, i can't help but to pray
for the hounds of hell to sink it's fangs into me
injecting deadly poisons, and survival is impossible

forgive me for i've sinned
a sin so great, i should never be forgiven

in the depths of darkness, is where i should be
within the embrace of hellish abyss
is where i shall find my peace
surrounded by stagnant air & silent screams
that's the place, befitting for someone like me

Forgive Me! for i've sinned
a sin so deep, forgiveness shall never be mine

upon the emerald hills

the amber horizon stretches across the endless sky
i sit and watch, as the warm gentle light slowly fades
till the light azure sky appears
with soft & sweet cotton candies hanging here and there

as i lay and stone, upon the lush green slopes of the hill
watching, as those pearly white clouds are drifting by
changing in to many different cute & funny shapes from time to time

a huge fire breathing dragon, or a serpent sticking out it's forked tongue
baby rabbit happily hopping around, or a puppy/kitten just lazing around
a magnificent padi field, or a peaceful zen garden
surprises are there, in those cloudy skies, everytime you looked up

those are the things i enjoyed watching
as i laze around, doing nothing
constantly changing, as they come and goes
while i remain stagnant, stoning on the gentle slopes of this hill

the sound of nature, are the only music to my ears here
sounds of insects, well hidden from my sight
sounds of the wind, whistling through the branches and leaves
sound of the rain, as it drizzle down, nourishing all that is green, all that lives

once in awhile, the gentle breeze picks up speed
lifting up from the ground, those fallen leaves & flower
twirling & swirling them in mid-air
as though a beautiful dance of mother nature

as the rushing winds slows down, and the dance comes to an end
i lay there still, lazing on the gentle slope of this emerald hill
pondering through random things, which normally would be preferred to be overlooked
meaning of life, reason for existence,
fear of the unknown, existence of another world
stoning, as i lay on this lush green hill
wondering forever, aimlessly, in a world full of questions wif no definite answer.....

22 may 2010

One Winged Angel by The Black Mages

Bloom

罪のバラ

rose of sins
Blooming amidst the Land of Dead
Among those deadly poison thorns
In a long God forsaken place

A land where no life survives
Non but the Devil's vines
And a single crimson rose
Never withering, never fading

It's always there
Hidden among those thorns
Blooming at it's peak of beauty
When the new moon is shining bright

forgive me! for i've done the unthinkable
for i can't turn back the hands of time
for i can't stop my heart from being the way it is now
for i can't be myself no more

forgive me! for i've become weak
for becoming frighten of something which i grew up with
for giving in to the loneliness which i should have been so familiar with
for trying to run from the darkness which i should have been accustom to
for being so blinded, i can no longer see the light

shadow / 影

beautiful shadows
following me, where ever i go
it's there
always with me, always by my side
but it's not my shadow
that's not mine

that's my creator
the original me
the one who has been traumatized
used, and abused, and thrown aside

the "Me" who chose to live
in the dark, as a shadow
allowing her very own reflections
to live her life, as her, for her
while she lives her life, as their shadow

i shall keep these feelings to myself....
not letting anyone know
to keep it from being notice
i have to first lie to myself

god has shown his mercy once again
placing a bowl of candy on my desk
despite my continue rudeness to him
he has placed those sweets of happiness on my desk

i shall learn from my past mistakes
and treasure them well
not asking for more
i shall treasure what i have

as i slowly savor the sweet
while whispering "thank you" to him in my heart
reminding myself not to be greedy
for i only have that much, and not ask for more

even if it may not be enough
share it i will, to others who are keen to share
for i've learnt that happiness is not to be mine alone
but to be shared and spread, or so i think, it should be

if god were never to place those candies on my desk again
it's gonna be fine to me, i guess
for i have not been a good enough child, deserving of his gifts
at least i will have some memories of those sweet of happiness
once being placed there, and sweet memories of me
once being able to treasure something with my heart

i'm unwell, i'm crazy,
i'm bent, and insane..
i'm loud, and irritating..
i'm all those that you dislike..

if so, stay away
for i have no need
for the likes of you
to be even near me

STAY AWAY !!!
insanity is contagious!
if you still wants your sanity,
stay away..

my life is meaningless.....
don't like it ?
prove me wrong !
if not, leave me alone..

why am i still alive??
what am i living for than?
i don't even know....

the only thing i know
is that i can't take my own life,
for that's what i promised him..
for that sole reason,
i can't take my own life..

someone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
end my life for me..
so that i no longer have to contradict...
so that i may be free.......
so that i can finally meet him again,
he who is gentle and kind..

he who stayed by my side,
when noone want's to get near me,
he's there, holding my hand..
when i refuse to like human,
he was there, guiding me through...
when i finally made frens,
he was there, sharing my joy....

now that i'm lost and sad again,
moved on he has,
he's no longer here.....
and when i miss him,
i can only hear his voice,
faintly in the depth of my memory.....

anyone wants to kill me,
DO IT NOW, do it please!!
for my life is meaningless
and noone will cry for me.....

would anyone kill me please.....
DO IT NOW, do it please!!!
i'm tired of waiting.......
maybe i should ignore the promise,
and end my life with these hands of mine...
and should i see him on the other side,
just tell him "i'm sorry" ??

do not fail me now, my dear sanity
for all that is left of this beaten shell
is just the sole sanity of it's pride
which does not allow one to fall

blood no longer flows
through these frozen vines
heart that can ach no more
so broken it can no longer feel

souls which are neither here, nor there
lost & empty, they wonder forever
in the vast nothingness of the universe
having nowhere to return to, nor can it disappear

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for now, you're my sole comfort & joy
love has lost, hate has numbed
lonely silent has over-killed the heart
darkness of abyss has over-killed the souls
body has been beaten & bruised
by those once being held close to the heart

fail me not, my sanity of pride
for the sake of me
for the sake of the pact i made
with the devil whom luv me so dearly
for he who is more gentle than any angels

fail me not....i beg of you
so that i can see him one last time
when my time is up
and he who guilds the souls of the departed
may come and guild me on my last journey
to the depths of hell
where suffering never ends
and fire's always raging

but as long as he's there
hell shell be my sweet heaven
my shelter frm everything
as long as he is there

13-03-2010

life is, but a stage
with ever changing settings
of which, the only unchanged things
are the raging flames, burning below one's feet
and the soothing feathers, drifting above one's head

the lead actor is non other than you
a puppet controlled, by not 1, but 2 puppeteer
the angel, being the kind creature it's meant to be,
never pull the strings too hard, allowing one some space to breath
the devil, on the other hand, never fail to seize the moment,
to pull the strings as hard as he can, trying to pull the puppet away,
to have it for himself alone

(somehow,somewhat) truth of life/ 人生の真実 (或は)

Darkness of Heart
the Cherry Blossoms are laughing
a child's play
everybody laughs
Death is born
the only one laughing,
is me

Darkness of Soul
the Cherry Blossoms are crying
a lost child
nobody's worried
something is Dying
the only one laughing,
is me

Darkness of Death
the Cherry Blossoms are Withering
a dead body
Noone's crying
Hell's fire's Burning
the only one laughing,
is me

the Cherry Blossoms are dead
so is the Child
so is the Heart & Soul of many
who worked so hard to live
they became nothing
but empty shells
and the only one laughing
... ...is him

心の闇
桜が笑っている
子供の遊び
誰もが笑う
死生まれている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(kokoro no yami
sakura ga wara~tsu te
kodomo no asobi
dare mo ga warau
shi umare te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

魂の闇
桜が泣いている
迷子
誰も心配して
何か死にかけている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(tamashī no yami
sakura ga nai te iru
maigo
dare mo shinpai shi te
nani ka shinikake te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

死の闇
桜の花も冷え込んでいる
死体
誰にも泣いて
地獄の火は燃えている
1つだけ笑って、
私です

(shi no yami
sakura no hana mo hiekon de iru
shitai
dare ni mo nai te
jigoku no hi wa moe te iru
1tsu dake wara~tsu te ,
watashi desu )

桜の花死んでいる
ので、子供が
ので、心と魂は多くの
人が住んで懸命に働いた
自分たちは何になったしか
し、空の殻
との唯一の笑い
... ...彼だ

(sakura no hana shin de iru
node , kodomo ga
node , kokoro to tamashī wa ōku no
hito ga sun de kenmei ni hatarai ta
jibun tachi wa nani ni na~tsu ta
shikashi , sora no kara
to no yuiitsu no warai
... ...kare da )